Shehra Patel

My name is Shehra Patel. I am from Bombay hotel area. I have a younger sister and a younger brother. I live with my mother and two siblings. I was 10 years old, when my father died. My mother didn’t have any support from our close relatives, but my maternal grandmother and maternal aunty provided support. They decided to send my sister and me to all-girls-hostel. My grandfather suggested my mother that we experience the stay in the hostel for 20 days and if we are not comfortable then we come back. After we were shifted to the hostel, my mother was constantly concerned about us. Also, we were not comfortable living them and we missed our mother. She requested mater my aunty and uncle to visit us. They came there and asked how we were doing? I told them that we got food on time and also the education was fine. I asked them to convey a message to my mother that if she could visit us after her ‘Iddat’ period (a Muslim woman is suppose to isolate her self for 4 months after her husband dies) is over. My younger sister fell sick but no one looked after her properly in the hostel. At the same time, my mother came to visit us along with my aunt and uncle. After seeing my sister ill and the improper food that we got, my mother decided to take us back the same day. My mother informed the authorities.

After we reached home, she also said we will go to school but we will have to wear burkha, whenever we step out of the house. We refused but she forced us to wear burkha. Also, she commanded a few rules that we were not allowed to study more than 10th grade, we were not allowed to speak or present our opinion, we were not allowed to step out of the house even in the evening and many such rules. When we asked why, she answered that we were daughters, and this is what we are supposed to do. She also told us to not tough or enter any holy, hygienic or clean place during periods, as we are dirty and sinful during those days. I asked why, but she didn’t answer. I wanted someone to answer my question over such rules and restrictions.

I joined Kadam and got to know how important it is for daughter. I got proper information about menstruation cycle and reproductive health, such as what to eat during periods, how to stay clean and take care about what factors the most. I got aware about my rights and learned that sons and daughters are equal. I got the training of communication. Not only I learned to communicate but also how to express myself properly and how to denote someone or convey a message appropriately. I started taking tuition in Kadam. I got to learn English and Gujarati in the tuitions. The neighbors used to comment and make remarks that we went out to study and we were crossing our limits my studying further. I told Meera ben about this. She explained that the society is going to say something or other to stop you from succeeding. She advised to not pay much heed to what they say and pay attention on ourselves and on our academics. Since then I decided to focus on our study and excel in academics. Earlier, I used to get nervous to step out of the house alone. After joining Kadam, I got the strength to do that. I also take care of myself during periods and eat properly, maintain hygiene and take enough rest. My extended family member pressurized me to get married because the society used to comment that my age is at appropriate to get married, but I strongly opposed to decision. My mother supported me, by saying that if I wanted to study; I will study and work hard for a better future. In Kadam I also learned how the society considers sons as assets and daughters as liabilities. Now I can fight for myself and ask for my rights.